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professor kari: oh hi mailien, just going to work.
mailien: open your damn gate. i mean... hello.
at this point jasper's like 28 but he still appreciates reading cookbooks with his mom.
professor kari: mail box, i got promoted!
mail box: congrats, professor kari! what kind of job do you do now?
professor kari: i'm a professor!
mail box: ...why would you play me like that?
garnet: hi mom!
professor kari: that's professor mom
tourmaline looks very much like hazelanne, but her features are more golden ratio-y. tbh i liked hazelanne's weird face.
so uh. mythril died. you know the annoying picture-in-picture camera that pops up whenever your goddamn sim takes a piss? for some reason, didn't pop up for this. i was sad for days. rip mythril.
i put her on the dining table. gone but not forgotten.
jasper: just send her to the graveyard ffs.
says the warlock who cried for five fuckin hours after she died.
hazelanne: ...a joyous meal with my wife.
tourmaline: sorry? did you say something, living grandma?
hazelanne: I'M ANGRY THAT MYTHRIL DIED OFFSCREEN. OR MAYBE I'M NOT I ALWAYS LOOK KIND OF MAD.
i bought the family a piano because i'm sure someone wanted one. dead grandma? piano'll make you feel better over it.
so a confusing detail i gotta impart here. i initially named this child "chrysoberyl" as i mentioned in the last update. however, i started to find it too uh... wordy? lengthy?
beryl is also a gemstone, but i have another 'character'/oc named beryl and didn't want to get them confused, but 'beryl bakelite' is a much better name so i changed her name.
/cool story bro, tl;dr: this child was chrysoberyl, i changed it to just beryl bcs alliteration rocks
beryl: i like my new name! it's easier to spell! :D b-a-r-r-e-l
oh dear. better than chris o'barrel i suppose.
tourmaline: jump jump jump
jasper: do you mind? i'm tryna get my art on
tourmaline: i'll jump more quietly
hazelanne: say "high chair"
beryl: high chair?
hazelanne: oh my god yes!
beryl: grandma, what is high chair?
hazelanne: ...we don't have one. but they exist, believe me!
jasper's pj tank says "scandalous" and by god it's right
hazelanne: ninight, sweetums
beryl: high chair!
garnet is apparently a prodigal multi-instrumentalist.
jasper: my god who taught it to walk!? i wanted to do that D:
professor kari also rolled that want so sucks to be you
jasper: i will fix this like i fix all my problems in life: by shrieking and wildly swinging a wrench
you're magic though?
jasper: yeah but only ts3 witches can repair things and i'm not a nerd like them.
jasper: it's tiring to be this powerful, fabulous, and virile.
how are those alien babies coming, exactly? your sweater has no morphs.
jasper: >:(
hazelanne just really fucking loves beryl okay?
oh my god i didn't realize your sweater has no morphs but your pants do. it's like you have a kangaroo pouch
jasper: i'm literally dying stop mentioning my kangaroo pouch
tourmaline: dad, i've come to watch!
jasper: GET YOUR MOTHER
i never get used to alien baby meshes. i mean, jasper seems pleased enough, but my body almost fully rejected this baby when i laid eyeballs on it.
this is cinnabar, who has jasper's black eyes (like everyone so far >_> WHERE MY GREEN EYED BABIES ;_;) and ...uh... mystery alien?'s black hair. we'll pretend it came from professor kari.
professor kari: oh. oh god. is it okay?
jasper: how fucking dare you this is my alien ass baby and i will not allow you to insult it
TWINS. GOOD.
this is coral, who has alien eyes and is just, blue. da ba dee da ba die. also she has mythril's recessive blonde hair. :D
see this? a good look. a strong look.
this? no.
one of jasper's frequently occurring (and now locked) wants is to have 10 total kids. i hope professor kari is ready for the long haul.
professor kari: i'm actually super excited! i love babies when they aren't demons.
i could make a joke about beryl, but she has 10 nice points, she's basically the perfect baby.
jasper: kari fucking insults my perfect alien demon children... i'll show her.
i sent jasper to the graveyard cafe to get his mind off of things. also because i wanted to make sure my community lots were working since a controllable sim (tiberius) owns them.
it's a self-serve cafe, but it's probably more efficient this way.
blonde townie: you know what? i'm gonna say it. orange isn't your color.
jasper: O H M Y G O D
jasper: how about some yellow and black, motherfucker?
jasper: ha-ha! bees and misery! a great combination
blonde townie: *minus minus*
blonde townie: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR BEES
jasper: you can say whatever you want about me but don't you dare disrespect my magic bees. *minus minus*
blonde townie: THIS IS AN ABNORMALLY LONG BEE ATTACK I'M SO ANGRY
jasper: you're that guy with the clones, right? ever used them to break into like, a bank or something? blame it on a clone?
tiberius: a bank heist? how droll.
jasper: but... money. i'm sure you could buy like, 10 babies with the money from a bank.
tiberius: yawn, you'd only get at most like $200,000 from a bank, i easily have more than that stored as raw gold bullion in my shed
jasper: i have something gold for you!
you're out of reagents.
jasper: shit better improvise
tiberius: BUCKAAAAAW
jasper: i am an agent of hilarious, deep-fried chaos.
tiberius: bitch
jasper: bitch
are the drugs good for the baby? idk i'm not a doctor. maybe they'll be more buoyant.
ruby: i do all my homework but my grades never go up ;~;
tourmaline: don't be mad because you're bad, bro.
cousin nerevar: i'm also here
hazelanne: something isn't quite right with this baby. it looks cold.
someone wanted an espresso machine. this makes me want to delete it.
what's with the underhanded juggling anyways?
hazelanne? are you okay? did your back give out?
hazelanne: no... no i just... maybe i need a nap or something. the longer i look the cuter they get.
mr. reaper, how very dare you! i needed that hazelanne at least until ruby and garnet became teens.
grim reaper: sucks to be you
grim reaper: you dyin'
hazelanne: aw man, can't i have 15 more minutes?
grim reaper: YOU--!
hazelanne: ME?
grim reaper: ...you did good. maybe not elysium good, but definitely like, high-tier asphodel.
hazelanne: mythril, i'm comin'!
jasper: I'M AN ORPHAN
cinnabar: she died
jasper: stop one-upping my grief, cinnabar!
jasper: I'LL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN
15 minutes later
jasper: man this baby makes me super happy, this is my favorite one
hazelanne's urn: i agree
hazelanne's urn goes on top of mythril's. so i guess she's on lookout.
mythril: sup?
hazelanne: hi
mythril: my hair looks terrible now that i'm dead wahhhh ;~;
mythril: BOO
tourmaline: grandmama, you've returned from the spirit realm!
i took this picture of beryl because i love beryl.
i made over a couple of rooms for the first four kids. this is tourmaline and beryl's room.
and this is ruby and garnet's room! i might have done this one first, got super burnt out, and kind of cheaped out on the deco in the girls' room.
ruby: hi beryl!
beryl: =V
ruby: yikes
tourmaline: hey, what's the answer to question 6?
ruby: i'm not going to help you cheat.
tourmaline: one day i'll get you. you won't even see it coming.
ruby: ...jeez, it's amelia earheart, you weirdo.
professor kari: jasper... we need to talk about your mothers' urns.
jasper: what about them?
professor kari: they should be placed... maybe somewhere else?
hazelanne: yeah well it's three against one bitch, we want to be part of the family sometimes.
mythril: 1v1 me in this urn.
don't you worry. jasper is still obsessed with making sure everything in this house is pristine.
ruby, stop eating out of the nursery fridge. don't make me put you in the pit.
ruby: we have a pit?
...not yet.
tourmaline and ruby: *bond*
isn't it nice for your kids to be getting along?
jasper: yeah sure haha it's hard to take care of two babies by yourself i'm dying
tourmaline: did you know that cousin almalexia and cousin sothasil are plotting to kill cousin nerevar?
ruby: i think we'd need a cousin kagrenac for that to happen.
i took another picture of jasper's room. i'm not sure what i changed, but believe me... i probably changed something.
tourmaline: that was a great joke! retell it to me, very loudly.
jasper: can you guys maybe get out of the nursery? your demon siblings are trying to sleep.
if you can't reason with them, join them i guess? also tourmaline, stop. three more strikes and i'm building a Pit of Shame.
tourmaline: that's the funniest thing i've ever heard!
garnet: you just literally walked up to me
tourmaline: and then i saw your face
garnet: you don't hear a face
tourmaline: believe me, yours is loud
garnet: >:(
professor kari: i'm thankful for my numerous best friends forever. and the fact that your grandmothers are always here. listening. watching judging.
this want is the bane of my existence right now. have 10 baboos. i stg if he rolls a want to have a baby after he hits 10, i'm putting him in the theoretical pit of shame.
that's a lot of birthdays
garnet: i'm happy to grow up! aren't you, brother?
ruby: can we get this over with, please?
garnet grew up into this outfit.
big mistake.
they rolled popularity and fortune so.
garnet: mmm... ruby...
ruby: mmm... money...
post-makeover garnet!
now listen... i love garnet. he brings me a ton of joy. but i'm sneakingly suspicious, now even more so, that his face is identical to jasper's. which isn't fun for me. he's still cute though, in a different way than jas.
this is ruby after some makeovering! his face bored me, so i gave him some sideburns. and then proceeded to take a picture that didn't show them at all.
beryl's features are a little oversized for her face, but i think she'll grow into them.
now that garn's a teen, he's much more into the troubled gothic musician stereotype.
he also autonomously takes care of cinnanightmare.
professor kari: it's nice, because if i don't catch a cup it'll probably fall on my wailord-esque belly.
garnet: rock beats paper, right?
ruby: no.
garnet: how does that even work? it's a fucking rock
ruby: how about we wrap your head in paper and see what happens. maybe use some duct tape
beryl: i jump on this bed!
beryl: now i jump on this bed! both beds are good!
is this just? the place where everyone fucking gives birth now?
professor kari: SUNFLOWER FENCE, HELP ME
sunflower fence: alas, i am a fence. and a sunflower. a sunflower fence, if you will.
professor kari: ...um, jasper? i think this one ate the wrong thing at willy wonka's chocolate factory.
jasper: you'll have to be more specific, hon!
anyways, this is spinel.
proof that ruby has sideburns and they do not, in fact, make him any better at mechanical.
ruby: maybe if i offer it the wrench as a sacrifice it will fix itself?
jasper: I LOVE PURPLE BABY IT'S PURPLE
i mean, same.
it's coral and cinnabar's birthday! thank goodness!
coral is a cutie! more of jasper's facial structure but alien coloring.
cinnabar is the inverse, human-like coloring but a face very heavily influenced by pooklet's bat alien pt that i'm currently using.
they both have elf ears, though! ...bat ears? they're pointy, whatever.
coral is the cutest goddamn bear.
garnet is a member of many rebellious subcultures, but he still love dem eggies.
jasper: i really can't explain this one. i've tried.
...secondhand alien spooge?
jasper: oh my god.
jasper: i prefer this one simply because it does not have sharp alienoid fangs.
coral: i didn't choose the fang life.
oh my fuc ki n
professor kari: i felt like i should try a more hands-on mothering approach with jasper's alien children.
EXPEL THE CHILD
professor kari: ...fine. spoilsport.
garnet: sometimes i fear that my innate disregard for logical decisions will be my undoing.
garnet: on the other hand? logic is for NERDS.
jasper: somebody needs some tickles!
ruby: dad! why is this the only way you communicate?!
garnet: i gotta get in on that tickle action
beryl: did you get promoted?
professor kari: ...no. :< i just like to keep up appearances to the mailbox.
beryl: ...it knows.
suddenly, smustle party.
i don't know what beryl's problem is, but she couldn't stay synchronized. cousin almalexia is making you look bad, kiddo!
usually the potty training face is one of cute boredom, but with garnet it has this "bitch you're seriously making me do this? i'd rather light my eyeballs on fire" vibe to it.
cinnabar: give me attention!
garnet: i don't even know who you are, strange bear!
i bought them a mortal kombat 3 cabinet. so much regret from here until the heat death of the universe.
coral passed out sitting upright, which is something i knew COULD happen, but have never seen.
although, to be fair, most of the time my toddlers don't pass out on the floor.
ruby calmly plays mahjong while garnet is shown shrieking in the mirror. a relaxing sight, i would think.
ruby is more innately tuned to childrearing. even if it is in his work outfit that says the word "asylum" on it.
twins or higher is when i break out the smart milk. seriously. otherwise these children would just have no life skills.
hey, topaz
why were you here
to be honest, garnet and ruby kind of both have a vampiric thing going on. garnet is like one from the lost boys, and ruby is like one from true blood. ru-beh.
jasper: you piss great! i'm so good at this!
professor kari: i think those aliens abducted you because that ass is out of this world.
jasper: haha funny, but also, i hated that experience never bring it up again.
ruby: no, man, you can't do the face right away, you gotta pace yourself in smustle.
this is the front yard of smustling/birthing. i've accepted it.
tourmaline grew up!
hey tourmaline
what the fuck
tourmaline: i want to die
jasper: why is this purple child so angry?
probably because i played with my headphones off for half an hour and forgot she existed. whoops.
professor kari: i forgot the words to the song i was going to serenade you with... i was blinded by your beauty.
jasper: nice save
spinel became a toddler! and gods do i love her.
she grew up in that hair (because it's binned) and i decided that's her color. she's purple so she might as well have colorful hair too.
jasper: oh my fuck now there's three of them.
jasper: oh my fuck kari is pregnant again
...
jasper: also yay she's pregnant again!!
spinel is very interested in the xylophone. i stg if you impede her access to it, she will kill you.
jasper: oh, coral, you bad lil bear.
coral: i shall crawl away from this walking lesson. it displeases me.
beryl: DAD I GOT AN A I GOT AN A GET UP I GOT AN A!
jasper: hurrah
beryl: what's it like having a best friend forever other than dad?
garnet: i don't know, ruby won't be my friend. :<
beryl: what does kelis mean when she says "milkshake"?
tourmaline: i have some helpful diagrams.
jasper: i'm just, checked out of this conversation honestly.
these motherfuckers are probably going to uni together, so someone has to get a scholarship or two.
as the technical eldest (born like 10 sim minutes before garnet) this burden mostly lies on ruby's shoulders.
professor kari: oh my gosh i'm pregnant
coral: jesus christ who doesn't know already other than you, let me sleep, woman
jasper: are these kids getting dumber or am i getting burnt out?
why not both?
cinnabar: can i help? i think i can help!
cinnabar: you guys let me help i'm great at talking :<
for some reason, cinnabar doesn't hang around as much when jasper tries teaching their twin things.
coral's face? is so? adorable. i love her.
child time for alien twins! coral gets some glasses and a new hairdo to show off her ears.
and cinnabar just gets a haircut for the same aforementioned ear reason.
here's a relatively unhelpful shot of the very small room they share. maybe not the tiniest, but narrow and hard to photograph.
jasper: i love you, grape-flavored child
garnet got fired from his job. i can't remember what career he had, but i know he got fired for playing a handheld video game during his break. i'm glad he got fired, fuck that boss.
he's fuckin Upset though
garnet: how could i be so stupid as to use my government-designated mandatory free time to do what i thought was fun!
garnet: i'm such an idiot!
tourmaline: kathleen hanna who? i'm the only riot grrl the world needs! i'm gonna write gay anthems!
ah, i remember that period in my life.
ruby is actually being useful. compared to garnet, who tries hard, and fails.
these photos are made so much more needlessly ominous with the urn totem in frame.
coral keeps painting, but it's a begrudging painting. this girl has 2 playful points. she hates fun.
i hope that wall decal isn't foretelling of this spawn's demeanor.
garnet: planets? stars? pfft. i just want to see an alien in a spaceship looking back at me... that'd be cool.
ruby: cool, we're friends.
tourmaline: it makes sense. i am a clone of you. or... perhaps you are a clone of me?
ruby: i'm 4 days older than you.
tourmaline: that proves nothing.
tourmaline: i'm going to be a famous bassist! like kim deal!
bus driver lady, where are the children?
bus driver: :D
jasper: this game is violent and i'm losing! an outrage!!
professor kari gets a small makeover to look less homemakery. since she's actually the only adult in this house that works and that old outfit didn't really suit her.
so professor kari's like... 12 days older than jasper, so i had her down a whole tub of life elixir so they can party together all life long.
this was a massive update so i must bid you adieu. i'll try to update soon! :D
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