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it's been a week. ish. let's see what the fucklites are up to.
on the last episode, we sent all 8 of jasper's unique children off to college.
carnelian and shitty diaspore are still at home, and will likely be raised alongside generation 4.
of course, as soon as i loaded the lot, it was time for all of these undeclared bitches to go to class. when they came back, they just kind of... stayed by the road for a while.
idk why sometimes i'm terrible at cropping pictures. i'm a little hard of seeing and sometimes i just, don't see those little queue icons.
but ignore that, here's young adult ruby. he's a little... awkward-looking. that hair doesn't do him a lot of favors imo.
ruby bakelite
fortune/pleasure
capricorn 10 3 0 7 10
hats, blonde hair / cologne
garnet 'jasper's exact face' bakelite is next.
garnet bakelite
popularity/romance
capricorn 10 2 0 10 3
hats, gray hair / fatness
tourmaline is the belabored, relatively normal sibling of this lot.
tourmaline bakelite
knowledge/romance
capricorn 10 3 0 7 10
unemployed, athletic / black hair
beryl aka my baby girl.
beryl bakelite
fortune/pleasure
aquarius 6 3 6 10 10
red hair, creativity / logic
cinnabar has a good face. but perhaps too much neck. others refer to them as 'the giraffe'. or at least, i do.
cinnabar bakelite
family/pleasure
virgo 10 1 8 10 6
logic, formal / blonde hair
i really like coral, but i'm not a huuuuge fan of her personality. also, i can't see the jasper in her.
coral bakelite
pleasure/fortune
aries 10 10 10 2 3
mechanical, athletic / swim wear
spinel, who actually WASN'T an alien child. she's just. purple.
spinel bakelite
romance/pleasure
capricorn 10 3 0 10 3
fitness, brown hair / jewelry
and finally, amber. leader of the clone children. grower of upsetting mustaches.
seriously, i'm upset.
amber bakelite
knowledge/grilled cheese
scorpio 10 3 9 10 1
makeup, cleaning / full face makeup
amber: DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH
ruby: gods i wish that was me
i'd like to point out that this is a 100% random occurrence and i don't know, why the fuck or how they got in this position.
emmy: oh my god oh my god i'm bombing this conversation
cinnabar: *aggressively term papers*
cinnabar: time to get my undeclared ass to class!
coral: i'm just going like this.
ruby: i'm not sure about this nightie but i'm not going to let it impede my term paper.
tbh i generally know by now who the heir is going to be, and i try to make sure they have a 4.0 gpa because i just... like them better.
beryl here is gen 3's heir. so she's graduating with a 4.0 no matter what.
amber: i'm like a super spare so i'm just gonna game.
coral: the true and pure college experience.
ruby: i'm so uncomfortable right now.
amber: and then they use like, a little blow torch to scorch the edges!
spinny: why are we having this conversation in the co-ed bathroom?
the bakelites migrate off-lot for one of the many final exams.
i don't have any family pictures of all 8 of them except this one. which also features an actual piss puddle.
piss-drenched dormie: i swear, it wasn't me.
garnet gets so swole that even his eyeball gets in shape.
amber: college is great. i get my own space rather than sleeping in the hallway.
possibly dead dormie: asllskdlskf
cook: now that's a damn fine plate o' pancakes if i do say so myself!
the matchmaker brought us a lamp? i didn't even know that could happen at uni.
i put it in beryl's inventory, for use at the main house.
random dormie: hi magic lamp!
garnet: i never see any clouds here. isn't that weird?
beryl: garnet, this pack is from 2005. they didn't have clouds back then.
this incompetent dormie and i have similar priorities.
cinnabar: fuck that bitch's dorm room.
random dormie: you know, i was thinking the same thing, but i didn't want to be the first to say it.
door dormie: *does flips*
we cut back to the main house for a moment to introduce a recent addition.
this is the Pit of Shame, and it will become more relevant later on.
you can barely even tell these idiots have a fucking pit in their backyard. the shed hides it.
roger: you gotta blow on the cue, it's just how billiards works.
beryl: i'll blow on your cue later, you hot plaid-wearing muffin.
garnet: i'm very interested in gold bricks, tbh.
coral: lee, gtfo, i want to play chess.
lee: no.
piss dormie: i don't get the college thing! why am i here?!
ruby: ...um, i don't know anything about you.
tourmaline: other than the piss thing, of course.
spinny: term paper written! good job, me.
door dormie: what sort of major should i pick?
garnet: be a drama major, like me!
cook: that kid is a fool.
spinny kept rolling wants to give people makeovers, so i let her practice on this dormie. i thiiiink her name was like, andrea?
andrea?: i love it! you're a natural!
spinny: yeah. just ignore those chemical burns you might've gotten when i lightened your hair a little.
ruby: i want to talk to you, but i'm respecting your locked door.
coral: you know, i really appreciate that. *plus relationship*
tourmaline: oh my god my door has the wooooorst picture.
that's just... your face?
tourmaline: i hate it.
beryl achieves flight.
it's just an accepted fact that bakelites love to interact in the bathroom.
in nighties.
spinny: tickle tickle
ruby: okay now it's getting weird.
and then it was graduation time! i took way less pictures with gen 2 because there was just... too many sims to keep track of.
ruby graduated with a 3.8 in fitness economics.
beryl got a 4.0 in drama.
spinny got a 3.6 in arts.
tourmaline got a 4.0 in philosophy.
cinnabar got a 3.7 in culinary literature and coral got a 3.8 in political science.
amber "ball-slapper" bakelite got a 3.8 in psychology.
the streaker came to see them off, and scandalize spinny.
spinny: that's so rude!
cinnabar: hehe nice.
yeah these bitches gotta leave. coral is treading dangerous territory.
our heir returns to the house with a small outfit change, ready to scout out a mate.
ohohohoho absolutely not.
this is what the Pit of Shame is for. every unique time that jasper rolls the want to have another baby, i'm gonna put him in the pit for 3 days after carnelian and diaspore become teens.
i'd do it right now, but carnelian and diaspore might legitimately die if i did.
beryl: i want love and i want it NOW!
matchmaker: jeez, cool your jets. love is a splendorous and complicated thing.
matchmaker: on second thought, money makes it come much easier!
matchmaker: i got the perfect match for you!
amillia: *flops like an egyptian*
beryl: but she's so pretty! what do i say? what if she hates me?!
matchmaker: ...i'm just a matchmaker, not a psychiatrist.
BERYL NO. don't let her first interaction with your family be with jasper.
amillia: man you sprinted over here real fast.
beryl: i just. needed some cardio, y'know? :-)
amillia: you got some moves, girl!
beryl: you've seen how agile i am vertically... just wait for the horizontal. ;D
beryl: so what do you want?
amillia: oh, you know. be best friends with your sister. befriend your brother. meet someone new.
beryl: goddamn it, i can do none of those things.
so i just had beryl break out her smooth moves.
beryl: can you believe this shit? this bitch wants to be friends with ruby.
amillia: ...i can hear you.
you wanted to meet someone new, bitch.
beryl: i want to wife you.
amillia: you gotta bring a better game than this, then.
beryl gets her smooch on.
THE PRESSURE IS TOO INTENSE
STOP ROLLING WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH OTHER BAKELITES godDAMN IT
oh my god, crisis averted. we did it.
where... where are you goin?
...that's your parents' bed.
oh my god.
BERYL
THAT'S SO WEIRD STOP
amillia: kinky.
beryl: ...it's weirder to me after.
amillia: jasper, do you want to go on a blind date?
now i know you haven't met professor kari yet, but you probably know of her. that's just tasteless.
beryl: no one else wanted to help diaspore age up, so i guess the responsibility falls to me.
beryl: i'm not even married to amillia yet and i already have a kid to take care of.
it's good practice, though. get your mistakes out on diaspore.
jasper: i want to be a spy.
that's 3 more days in the pit.
professor kari has to drink like three cups of espresso just to face the day. but at least she's climbing pretty steadily on the scientist career ladder!
beryl: i'm googling cheat codes, hehehe.
jasper wanted to be friends with cinnabar's wife, carolina, so i had him call her. i didn't ask for this SASS, cinnabar.
carnelian had a birthday. tbh i almost forgot she existed.
that's like, 9 days in the pit now.
i redecorated one of the bedrooms for beryl and amillia. even though amillia doesn't live here yet... she will, soon.
carnelian: phone? *plus 3,500 aspiration*
it was finally time to let loose beryl's genie lamp. y'know, that one she got in uni.
jasper immediately rolled the want to make a wish, so fuck it.
jasper: what do you give the bitch who has everything?
genie: just wish for money.
jasper: can i wish for bees?
genie: no.
beryl: i'm a fortune sim, so, uh...
genie: i'll hook you up with money that falls from the sky.
beryl: sounds dangerous? ...hell, let's do it, it's money.
jasper: STOP FALLING ON ME I'M BUSY damn money
jasper gets 3 more days in the pit, because this is somehow his fault.
and kari is a precious scientist who doesn't deserve the pit.
this motherfucker? right here? deserves the pit.
beryl teaches diaspore her favorite word, which is still ironic in a way. we still have no high chairs.
these children are growing up to be very well-adjusted.
i hate this telescope, but i can't be mad. that's more money to add to the bakelite coffers.
jasper: fiddly doo, fiddly dee, no longer shall the only witch be me!
you're a warlock.
jasper: that's too many syllables. do you even cast spells, bro?
beryl: amillia? i'll call you back, my dad's trying to cast a spell on me.
amillia: what?
jasper: i am pleased by this turn of events! it's so deliciously evil.
did you forget that beryl has 10 nice points or?
i had jasper call amber and... what the actual hell.
coral, you used to live here. you know that jasper is professor kari's stay-at-home trophy husband.
carnelian: mom, how do you homework?
professor kari: ...you just do it. what's the problem here, exactly?
i invited amillia over and she snuck onto the lot.
she and beryl had another first kiss.
i don't think you get more than one of those, but who am i to judge.
beryl: best friends!
amillia: i'll best friend your butt.
beryl: in many ways, you already have.
amillia: :D
amillia is moving in! and for some reason, she fell in love as soon as beryl asked that.
well, at least we aren't marrying her in for the money.
amillia didn't really need a makeover, but i wanted her to look a little more mature. and momly.
kari once again tries to bandwagon onto the witch train.
not happening.
beryl: oh nooooo i'm a witch.
professor kari: show off >:(
what the fuck
why did you get money?
professor kari: yeah, my future daughter-in-law is hot. hotter than a plate of spaghetti.
amillia: i'm uncomfortable, but she is right.
the new bedroom has been christened.
jasper: now, repeat after me, amber 2--
diaspore: i'm diaspore!
jasper: can you just let me teach you how to talk? rude.
we didn't get chimes the first time, so it's time for round 2.
FIGHT
amillia has to deal with a lot on the way to her carpool.
also spinny walked by. hi spinny!
beryl: this is amillia's fault! D:
you are correct.
hazelanne: that doesn't look like eating... beryl, are you smelling that burger?
mythril: oh, honey, no... don't smell it, that's weird.
beryl: can you two just let me live my life?
beryl: i'm about to beat the high score! i'm finally going to overwrite that time garnet put "ASS" as his initials!
jasper: i believe in you.
jasper: do you not understand what teaching 20 goddamn sims how to shit does to a man?
beryl is a nice sim, so i have her study light magics. it just takes forever to combat all that evil.
ruby just... randomly came to visit. hi, ruby! you can't come in because you no longer live here.
ruby: hehe a great joke, mom! can i come in now?
professor kari: no.
ruby: jerk.
professor kari: how dare you call me a jerk, jerk.
i took pity on ruby. he's a good sim.
when he's not freaking out and trying to eat spoiled food. i have a mod where sims with more than 2 neat points CAN'T eat spoiled food, but they will keep putting their hand up like they're going to grab it.
it's tragically hilarious.
professor kari: you're my favorite son! ...after garnet and amber.
ruby: mom, there's only three of us.
professor kari: i like you better than diaspore?
beryl: :O
god beryl really has some cheekbones. go easier on the contour next time.
amillia: i'm afab and my wife is afab but she's pregnant. how?
google: ???
i think jasper finally got carolina (cinnabar's wife) on the horn. i'm proud of him.
diaspore: mom, why the heck didn't i get a makeover?
professor kari: ...gotta run.
you guys can try for a baby as much as you want, acr has ensured that you're both sterile.
these two on the other hand? i'm scared of. i'd really rather not do double pregnancies.
everyone kept rolling wants to get a pet, so we will bring this update to a conclusion with beryl and jasper going to the pet store. this makes jasper the first sim to drive this car since i bought it for mythril like, 50 sim years ago.
beryl: do you even have a license?
jasper: it's fine. i'll figure it out.
will they survive the trip to retrieve a pet? probably, since sim car crashes aren't really a thing.
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spinel: *is purble*
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