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rondie: so i guess i can call you grandpa now?
jasper: absolutely not, i despise you for no reason.
rondie: i'm great though, i didn't even marry your granddaughter for her treasure. rather, a different kind of booty.
jasper: BOO YOU SUCK
jasper: amillia, what is rondie's fucking problem??
amillia: can we have this conversation literally anywhere else?
jasper: ...perhaps you're right.
amillia: LEAVE
peridot: something is happening!!
amillia: yeah and you don't need to be a knowledge sim to figure out what. ...but i do happen to be one. never forget that.
rondie: about damn time, that thing's taken forever!
peridot: ASLADKSFLALFLDSLAF
a baboo! named turquoise.
rondie: this one should be heir.
rondie, that's the first one.
rondie: SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME AND I'M GREAT
on second thought, perhaps rondie acquiesced too easily to the prospect of making more contenders for gen 5.
this new house has hedge plants. good thing we have a jasper.
beryl lost her sparklies so i had her train them back into existence. what a LOOK this is.
my biggest regret is making rondie's undies just. a yellow speedo.
it pairs well with peri's lime green thing though.
peridot: mr. bakelite, what a scandalous outfit to accost your wife in.
rondie: i'm a scoundrel, it's a proven fact.
banjo: what the fuck is going on
is peridot pregnant again? couldn't tell you. her outfit has no morph and i've been too busy blasting spotify to fuckin. care.
jasper rolled a want to go to a community lot, and i was like... why not? surely nothing that involves jasper bakelite can go awry.
well shit who was i kidding.
he rolled a second want to turn his dead wife into a zombie and who am i to interfere
professor kari: what has summoned me back to the mortal plane?
jasper: twas i.
professor kari: oh my god, not you.
jasper: i'll put on my apocalypse outfit and you can be a titastic zombie babe that fucks her way across the wasteland.
professor kari: .........maybe.
banjo: did someone call my name?
peridot: no, banjo. we're talking about a different cat.
professor kari: brains. brains? brains! brains.
oh yeah we have some work to do.
professor kari: i fuckin hate jasper "bring you back as a zombie" bakelite.
professor kari: do you know how hard it is to play the piano with a reattached hand?!
this is like the fourth time i've had them try for baby so if peri doesn't get pregnant i'll assume turquoise left a scorched hellscape in her womb.
beryl and amillia perhaps wear the opposite underwear you'd expect them to.
peridot: my acrylic thumbnail broke off but i'm not gonna let it ruin my day. i'll just check rondie's pants later.
rondie is the epitome of seduction and juggling.
professor kari: have you tried maybe... not sucking?
jasper: goddamn it, why'd i bring you back?
jasper: i've been like an iron fuckin safe awaiting your return.
professor kari: you're sure you didn't give a pink-loving face monster the key to said safe? did i imagine that as a ghost caught between here and the nether?
jasper: ...............i love you.
professor kari: fuck you.
jasper: I SAID I LOVE YOU, TAKE MY LOVE GODDAMN IT.
it's a bad day when tiberius sends his mom/grandma to steal the paper instead of actually coming himself.
professor kari: my zombie heart is a fickle thing.
jasper: yeah. it's almost as if some genius warlock repaced it with a healthy porcine heart.
professor kari: did. did you give me a pig heart?
jasper: who is to say?
professor kari: did anything happen while i was dead? marriages, births? other deaths?
amillia: someone in this house might've fucked mawreen, but i'm not naming names.
jasper: hey remember when we got married and had like 10 kids?
professor kari: and then i died and you fucked mawreen and then brought me back?
jasper: the second season of our life had terrible writers.
amillia: why would she forgive that fool?
yeah, give it to that old zombie, you funky little warlock.
for some reason, i moved the love tub from the old house to this one, but they've only really used it here. it was perfectly accessible at the old one too.
rondie: i didn't live in the old one very long, though. believe me, it would've been used.
peridot: i think jasper used it once.
rondie: ......i want to get off jasper's hot tub spooge ride.
i wish you could conceive sim babies in the love tub and then have their parents admit that to them.
amillia: turquoise is a very good baby! yes, you are. :>
beryl rolls no wants to interact with babies. rather, she is a terrible fortune sim and just wants to trampoline.
i don't like this picture. it makes me think of things i'd rather not think of.
banjo: my goodness, do you ever put on a shirt?
rondie: hopefully not!
professor kari: hey.
jasper: heyyyy :3
why are professor kari and jasper holding this child they aren't technically related to?
rondie: i'm busy with this peridot.
beryl: I'M BUSY WITH MY CAT.
amillia: i married into this family. thought i'd clarify that. no blood relation to jasper.
peridot: PRECIOUS BABY
jasper: does the bubble blower like... make you crave brains more?
professor kari: absolutely, but don't worry. you're safe.
jasper: aw :D
professor kari: you're dumb as fuck.
jasper: >:c
peridot absolutely HATES dirty jokes.
rondie: i have a great dirty joke.
peridot: *mashes divorce button*
on second thought
i gave professor kari zombie a makeover. she's still an elder but i wanted her to be more... timeless.
tiberius's weird clone, tim: hehehe i'll steal your paper BITCH.
jasper: you'd best not. i'll multislap all of your clones in the dick.
cirrus: do you ever put on your robe and wizard hat?
jasper: that's an awfully personal question.
rondie: who that handsome bitch... oh wait... it's me.
professor kari very slowly hobbles in whatever direction she feels is the most likely to have brains. so, cirrus is a bad candidate, i guess.
turquoise has a birthday! and shit, rondie was right, she looks like him.
she got peridot's nose something fierce. it gets better out of the toddler stage, damn custom sliders hating toddler faces.
beryl, in case you forgot what a good bitch she was.
oh my god there is a second baby on the way. how exciting.
peridot: can you finish up, turq, i got babies to grow!
turq becomes radioactive in the quest for knowledge, as have her ancestors before her.
rondie: let's finish this up so i can get to some important business.
rondie: I'M ADRIFT IN A HARSH, PIRATE-FILLED OCEAN WITH ONLY MY CHARM TO SAVE ME.
beryl: supernatural code violators? in this house? no way!!
what lovely partners they each have, for being eternally stuck in the void of time.
professor kari: idiot bitchlock
jasper: porkheart zombro
peridot and rondie are the most checked out sim parents i've ever fuckin seen.
jasper: where the fuck are you going?
banjo: upstairs to turd your entire room.
jasper: NO
banjo has been stopped in her quest by a fierce opponent called turquoise-bear.
peridot: HOW DARE THIS INTERRUPT MY SLEEP
rondie: what the fuck? what the fuck what the fuck
jasper: hey, a new child. nice. can i mold this one in my image?
peridot: i will personally slap every slappable part of your body if you touch my child.
this is aquamarine! similar to turquoise in some ways, except she has brown hair. which i guess is recessive from beryl.
good, we have another one when we can't even take care of the one we already have.
there's six adults in this house, why is turq in the cat bed?
...there's four adults in this house.
when you get shown up by jasper on levels of competence, you know your life has really taken a bad turn.
jasper: i'm a family sim, i have ONE gift and it's caring for tiny sims.
jasper: and firing baby batter into an open mouth like five feet away, but i feel that gift has nothing to do with my aspiration.
professor kari: or does it?
jasper: i love banjo, she doesn't fuckin understand anything.
banjo: firing what into who now?
someone rolled a want to get a bird. and i got them a damn bird. and then proceeded to hate not only myself, but also my sims and god.
its name is BAKAAAAAAW. 6 a's, all caps.
professor kari: why is this your swimwear.
jasper: BECAUSE I'M NOT 25 ANY MORE PROFESSOR KARI.
professor kari: allow me to massage your old man tits.
jasper: *angry kissing*
hey. the love tub? a great addition.
mid-sex high five!
professor kari: this one is cute. i think. it's hard to see with button eyes, i see why coraline was so freaked out now.
jasper: i like the bird.
you just make sure you close that goddamn cage when you get through or i will yeet you into the unknown.
jasper: do i look like some kind of fool to you?
there's like seven tiberii and they all fuckin hate the bakelites. even this one with the tiger face paint that has like 10 nice points.
i feel obligated to give aqua and turq equal screen time, because i don't necessarily like one more than the other.
professor kari: what do you mean darkwing duck hats are 'out of fashion'? did the industry lose its damn mind while i was dead?!
kari makes a cute zombie. ;~;
she also... retained her job as a mad scientist? so i guess that's just. something she does in the middle of the week.
professor kari: i'm going to grow a better soul mate in a damn tube.
jasper: can i also fuck them?
BAKAAAAAAW: hey. hey bitch. give me burger.
rondie: no, you goddamn avian mistake.
banjo: might i view the bird without this cage between us?
rondie: yeah, sure.
BAKAAAAAAW: no, i'm fine in here! begone!
turq is great. rondie's face with peridot's nose is a good combo.
jasper: i'll be there in a moment, i gotta play with the damn cat.
professor kari: don't make me make that joke again. goddamn it, you're gonna make me do it.
AQUA IS NICE TOO.
peridot: should i talk to that hot green babe?
jasper: what kind of question is that? yes!
peridot: on second thought, she reminds me of shrek.
jasper: stop, peridot, i can only get so turned on.
aquila tranter: i would've gone with fiona, but you're entitled to your opinion.
peridot: sorry.
aquila tranter: also, keep your granddad away from me.
peridot: oh, if only it were that easy.
rondie gains supreme chunkage. peridot is into that.
you were pregananant? i didn't even fuckin. know.
another baby, sapphire.
amillia: this seems to happen a lot when i'm coming home from work. it's gotta stop.
peridot: i'm like a clown car. there could be another one in there, i wouldn't fuckin know.
beryl and rondie chase peridot around the side of the house to congratulate her.
rondie: stop running away!
peridot: i gotta put the baby in the crib.
rondie: GO THROUGH THE HOUSE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
rondie: ASLASDKFWFLWFW
aqua: ...dad?
a bad sign, you say?
a normal sign. i live every day of ts2 knowing it might come to my house and delete my save and punch me and my dog in the face.
professor kari: your milkshake definitely brings me to the yard.
jasper: we said we weren't going to mention my tits around other people.
beryl: i wish we'd stuck to that unspoken rule.
peridot: what a nice bed. what a nice chunky boy.
rondie: oh, stop.
peridot: i will never stop.
professor kari: try it again. "may i have some more brains, señor?"
aqua: grandma why would i need to know that? also why would i learn a word in another language i don't know how to say in my first language? what is going on?
beryl: i'm tingly! am i dying??
no babe you're just getting old.
beryl: so in many ways, yes.
not today, though.
beryl: damn it.
this poor cat just, comes home from work and passes out on the sidewalk. someone help her.
amillia quickly joins her lover as a stone cold silver fox.
beryl: i can't believe i used to dress like that.
you still looked like that literally yesterday.
beryl: EVERY DAY WAS YESTERDAY AT SOME POINT. ...except tomorrow. i made my own brain hurt.
peridot: good child. nice child. please cooperate i just wanna go back to bed.
beryl: you could say i've still got it.
BAKAAAAAAW: no one says that.
i'm worried about rondie's body. just like. that alien fupa-burster he seems to have.
IDK WHO LET THE BIRD OUT, BUT IF I FIND THEM, THEY WILL DIE.
biberius tarnacle, tiberius barnacle's "evil" clone, only reads the paper instead of stealing it.
is it possible that tiberius is his own evil clone?
beryl: i have leveled up from deckhand to captain in the world of boat pirates. thanks, age!
peridot: listen, you'll never need to ask anyone for brains. forget that part.
aquamarine: brains?
peridot: oh my god.
beryl i swear to fuckin christ
BERYL SHUT THE CAGE
AAAAAAAAAAA
peridot: oh, hey, bird.
BAKAAAAAAW: sup.
that feeling when your wife makes spaghetti and you like REALLY wanted spaghetti
i'd caption this picture but all i can see is the STARK LACK OF BIRD in that cage.
this rainbow bastard
professor kari: where did you get a tank top that says "scandalous" on it?
jasper: i conjured it out of my own soul.
professor kari: neat.
modern clothes with clippy morphs is a sad ass mood.
banjo: yes. good. allow me access to the bird.
beryl: excuse me?
professor kari: you and peridot don't even really look alike.
jasper: it's genetic diversity, babey.
beryl is still a very good witch! she will drown you in infinitesimal plush kittens that fill your lungs and bring joy and death.
amillia is still working on her ltw, which is become media magnate. i think she's still at the career right before, since i can't keep these fuckers up to like 15 total friends.
rondie: it's me, the tickle monster.
aquamarine: brains?
rondie: honey, no.
sapphire has a birthday!
as does aquamarine, whom i give a hair that i've never used on anyone. it suits her. this gen is very femme and very weird.
beryl: hey, what do you think of my heir portrait?
amillia: you were hot. ...and you still are.
beryl: you hear that, past me? we're hot!
i'll leave this update with a small, unhelpful picture of turquoise and aquamarine's smol room. sapphire currently utilizes a bed in the den, because, well. i'm not entirely done with the nursery yet.
byeeeee for now.
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you always take the mudane parts of sims 2 and make them incredibly fun ^_^
your zombie skin looks amazing! i was so surprised by zombie!professor kari but she looks so good! i love that she just got up and started going back to work as a mad scientist as if nothing had happened. that's peak mad scientist.
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thank you! i really like the zombie skin and i'm glad i found a legacy sim that made sense being a zombie. professor kari has probably experienced worse than dying and coming back as a zombie, considering that she's married to jasper.