furbyq

peridot and rondie's room is right next to the nursery, and rondie's lifetime aspiration perks are currently trash, so i wake peridot up a lot.

and i mean, while she's here, she might as well work on some toddler skills.

schrodinger's bird: if the cage is open but the bird is in the cage, that bitch might as well NOT BE IN THE FUCKIN CAGE.

me, with my list of "never doing that again": *writes sims 2 birds*

sapphire: great-grandfather? why are you teaching me how to walk? instead of my parents?

jasper: your parents are useless, and i, am in fact, not.

jasper: yeah... gain those precious aspiration points.

considering i've extended jasper's life with elixir bought with his descendants' aspiration points, this picture is weirdly sinister. he drinks their happiness.

aqua wants to raise her gaming enthusiasm. and this is the best way to do it, given the added logic bonus.

aquamarine: i want to play mortal kombat 3, though. there's heads that explode in 3d!

ever heard of fuckin, i don't know, BATTLE CHESS?

turquoise is a tiny girl with big painter dreams. and a very nice nose, she doesn't even have that hellvertex geometry sims sometimes get when their parents' features are too different.

jasper still can't surpress his rage, despite having mastered mechanical.

jasper: i have two passions, cleaning and screaming in rage. neither of those is fixing broken shit.

this is when i changed jasper's outfit, and to be honest? best decision ever.

all of peridot's children are born near where they were conceived. well, maybe sapphire was an exception.

jasper: i don't know why you keep having more bakelites. we achieved perfection in my generation.

professor kari: i agree, topaz was one badass motherfucker.

jasper: get the fuck out of my house.

peridot: hey, mom, can you hold this one real quick?

beryl: wh... why?

peridot: you remember my clown car comment? today the clown car is full.

beryl: what does that even... mean?

beryl: oh, that's what that... why can't you talk about your vagina like a normal fucking person?

this is opal.

hey, opal... why are you white?

and this is lapis!

beryl: why is opal white?

peridot: listen... science cannot explain some things. but it can probably explain this, via recessive genetics.

beryl: and not because our overlady is too lazy to regeneticize things?

peridot: ...yes.

beryl: congrats on being born, floor baby! if only there was something i could do to help you out of such tragic circumstances.

hahaha

HAHAHAHAHA

HEEEEHEEHEHEE

HA

you can have 10 kids.

IN HELL.

yes, this is still happening.

yes, i keep potentially dangerous machinery in a very moist hot tub shack.

not gonna lie, the resemblance is becoming more and more obvious to me.

peridot is a surprisingly competent sim.

she's what jasper and beryl could've been if they could just, keep their personality and aspiration (respectively) from ruining everything they do.

well, unfortunately, BAKAAAAAAW is gone. i don't know if he... disappeared into the bird ether? or banjo ate him? or he just goddamn left. whatever the case, he's gone.

in the aaaaaaaaarms of an angel, fly awaaaaaaaay from here

i appreciate peridot being a neutral witch, because she can magivestigium without ruining her aesthetic.

sometimes this happens, though, and honestly. i'm kind of worried about her.

peridot: taking care of twins is hard! don't recommend!

also sapphire is still a toddler. so it's almost like triplets.

peridot: i'm not trying to shirk responsibilities, but this seems like a beryl and/or jasper problem. they're better at it.

all of rondie's work outfits are looks. very, very different looks.

amillia: after decades of playing this, you've gotten really good.

beryl: yeah! i had to defeat garnet's ASS score that one time out of pure spite. now i'm unironically good.

amillia: ...the top score is still ASS.

beryl: it was after i beat his score that i unfortunately realized... we have the same sense of humor.

jasper: how many times do i have to say it? i hate peace.

peridot: is that why you keep trying to declare war on tiberius?

beryl: ...is that something you can declare on a single person and their clones?

luckily, after a lot of time, professor kari's unhelpful speech-teaching has been overcome by beryl's gentle anti-zombie propaganda.

aquamarine has the advantage of having had to spell her own damn name, as well as other potentially confusing gemstones, every day of her life.

beryl: this changing table is attempting to eat the child, but who am i to intervene?

rondie, the bird is dead. BAKAAAAAAW is gone. he's dead, rondie.

rondie: but... play with bird?

NO BIRD. ONLY DEAD.

DON'T BIRD DEAD INSIDE

beryl: i don't mind doing this for jasper. i mean, i basically do it every night. it's like i have the lower body of a werewolf.

i didn't need to know that. i don't think anyone's life is enriched by knowing that.

i don't know why turquoise is so excited but like. she's fuckin excited.

rondie: so do you and professor kari ever... y'know... nowadays?

jasper: yeah, but like... you know hot pockets? it's like... the opposite of that.

peridot: i love your new outfit, it makes you look like someone who shouldn't be fucked with.

jasper: only a crazy person would mess with someone wearing neon mint pants.

beryl: look at this baby! i love it!

beryl: i am also partial to this baby! both babies are good!

i get this feeling like turquoise was on the other side. just. this feeling.

aqua's very happy about her hospital stay.

thank goodness for tiberius barnacle's universal healthcare system, wherein 90% of problems are treated with either weed or raw-ass mercury.

amillia: *succeeds*

rondie: i also did things, too, as well, also.

at least amillia finally achieved her ltw! she's a media magnate now. look at this old lady, living her dreams. :D

bakelite drinking game, take a shot every time rondie reads the paper.

note: don't do this. you'll die.

professor kari: oh, my god. could you imagine being one of those people who cleans up like, an entire murder scene?

jasper: you don't have to imagine what you've actually fucking done.

jasper: everyone in this house sucks. learn to rinse a goddamn plate.

beryl, how the fuck? you have like seven cooking points.

beryl: why did we install these sprinklers?!

so you don't... die?

beryl: BUT MY HAIR.

sapphire grew up, and is a stylish little bean.

she looks VERY similar to rondie, but simpe extracting and bodyshop testing have told me she isn't an exact clone.

she gets a bed in the back den. sorry, we ran out of bedrooms at the bakelite bedroom factory.

i just. feel this need to prove to you all that all of these kids are taken care of.

we're not gonna have another topaz bakelite. no one ever sat that boy down and told him "tights aren't your thing, broseph."

if anyone is wondering why the bakelites suddenly have the takemizu arch in their side yard, it's because beryl is a fortune sim, and by definition, a bastard.

turquoise: what do you think the world is like?

aquamarine: i couldn't tell you. i've literally never left spiral island.

turquoise: me neither...

turquoise: do you think there's other people out there like our family?

aquamarine: i hope not.

turquoise: i just mean, the magic part.

aquamarine: oh, maybe!

turquoise: i want to be a witch when i grow up!

aquamarine: pfft. this fool thinks she's gonna be heir.

turquoise: who... who are you talking to?

beryl: my immortal parents? doing soft drugs in my house? no. perish the thought.

professor kari: i'm so uncomfortable! and this trampoline isn't helping!

your deduction skills are second to none. your problem-solving needs some work, though.

banjo only loves two sims in the entire world, and they're both in this picture. at least part of them are.

banjo: i love jasper's arm

the dynamic in this family, in one word, is "fucked". it's fine.

it was ruby. ruby got word. he's the only one who would care.

peridot: i'm so proud--

turquoise: we've been through this, mom.

peridot: but i... support... okay.

aquamarine: MOMMA I GOT AN A!

peridot: :D

rondie: good news, butterflies! i got promoted!

rondie, what did i say about selling your immortal soul for promotions?

rondie: i shouldn't also sell my children's souls... that'd be too far. but then again, there is FIVE of them.

RONDIE NO.

peridot: rondie, you stuck your nose in my eye AGAIN.

rondie: i was thinking about other things!

peridot forgives, but for the love of god don't make nose-eyeing or dirty joke-telling a habit around her.

professor kari: sometimes, i don't feel safe around you.

jasper: i felt the same way when you tried to eat my arm the other night.

professor kari: you're so delicious, though.

jasper: aw... babe.

sometimes random children just show up in the house. it's fine.

sometimes banjo fuckin attacks them, it's also fine.

peridot: oh no... i dropped stuff on the rug. better... bend down and pick it up... for a long time.

rondie: mrs. bakelite, are you trying to seduce me?

turquoise: who are you?

elliott: i'm your cousin, elliott. emerald is my mom.

aquamarine: wow, in an alternate universe, you could've been heir. instead you're like, a sixth-degree spare.

luc, emerald's husband, came to get elliot. who i guess has like... gone rogue.

turquoise auto-aged up at 6 and like. aaaaaa. look at her face!

peridot: hey, luc, how's my sister?

luc: oh, you know her. she keeps trying to get xanadu's scientific commission to impregnate me so we can expand our family without her missing work.

peridot: wow, that does sound like her.

opal is so precious! aaa!

and, uh. lapis. she's definitely a clone of turquoise. but we love her.

idk man twins are weird in the sims. you roll the batbox and one of them is still a damn clone sometimes.

luc? are you trying to steal opal?

luc: i feel the need to save at least one of them. this one seems to have a good disposition. plus, it might save me from certain... fates.

turquoise: your natural hair color is the same color as the logic symbol, but i don't associate you with it at all.

peridot: what are you trying to say?

jasper gets some sweet shades.

jasper: i figure like 100 years old is about when you start getting adventurous with fashion.

sometimes i feel like ts2 tries to push you in an aspiration direction with child sims. sapphire feels like a knowledge sim.

turquoise: hey, i got an A but i'm gonna pretend it's an A+ and no one is going to really correct me.

peridot is taking forever to train opal, but beryl bangs out all of lapis's skills in like. three hours.

aquamarine: MOM, I GOT AN--

peridot: excuse me, i'm busy training opal for toddler thunderdome.

aquamarine: i. what?

aquamarine: if i make that move, you could check me. if i make this move, you take my queen. what do i do?!

turquoise: aqua, this is a game, lighten up.

all five of the children in gen 5 have 3 neat points. it's a bloodbath.

rondie: i have no strong opinions at all on the pop vs. soda argument. but we can all agree. people who call all sodas "coke" are terrible.

beryl: yeah, i taught lapis to walk. alright!

mirror beryl: why is my life so empty?

do you ever have a room that you just. acknowledge you forgot to wallpaper, but you just can't seem to care enough to fix it?

that's the definition of the second floor bathroom.

opal has a better relationship with banjo than with her own twin.

keeping the date roses/bouquets of my sims is very important for me. sometimes i wish mythril and hazelanne had had one.

professor kari: i'm a top.

jasper: no shit. we've been married for like, my entire goddamn life.

jasper: do you remember what you said on our wedding night?

professor kari: yeah. i said you could top over my dead body.

jasper:

professor kari: fuck.

have fun, motherfuckers, you're both sterile now.

beryl and amillia just, hang out a lot. it's cute. i'll tell beryl to study in her room and she'll go find the couch close to amillia instead.

professor kari: let me tell you a secret.

jasper: what is it?

professor kari: you're a bastard.

jasper: why i oughta...

peridot: i would love to stay, but i really need to teach life skills to our daughter.

rondie: wow... that's the most romantic thing you've said to me tonight.

why have you chosen this spot of all spots to teach opal how to talk?

peridot: fresh air is great for toddlers! as are vultures!

opal: help?

mailien: just delivering mail, don't want to get involved.

one anti-gravity cheesecake, coming up.

jasper, why do you take all of the bills to the back porch before you pay them?

jasper: my bill-pathing is broken, and honestly, that seems more like a problem for you than me.

hooray! progress!

turquoise: mom, why do you ignore me? what does opal have that i don't?

peridot: ...mystery.

peridot: i've seen this literally fifty times. what level of surprise do you want tonight?

turquoise: playful wistfulness, like you see yourself in my academic successes.

one day, i'm sure there will be a bakelite that is capable of fixing a sink without waterboarding themself.

cynthia brumm, licensed teenage motherfucker, returns to pick on gen 5.

turquoise: oh my fucking god! you're terrible!

cynthia: turquoise farted!

turquoise: that's untrue! that's a lie! it was obviously you! i never do that!

cynthia: turquoise, what have you been eating? pure farts?

turquoise: i have come to a conclusion, and it's that you're a damn fool.

turquoise: hey, cunthia,

cynthia: that's not my--

peridot: why can't i eat cheesecake in peace?

C H I L D R E N

oh? a new friend? maybe it's another cousin, pretty much all the children in this neighborhood are.

...oh.

oh, no.

OH NO. when. what

that one time jasper went over to mawreen's house before he brought back professor kari was a mistake.

peridot: your stitching looks lovely today!

professor kari: why, thank you, dear!

turquoise: i gotta keep my grades up so i can harass mom, what a hassle.

professor kari: i'm not a huge fan of soup. discuss.

turquoise: it really depends on the soup.

rondie: is it already family soup discourse night? alright!

peridot: wh... what's happening?

professor kari: now a good gumbo? i can get behind that.

rondie: whoa, whoa. calling gumbo a soup is a very broad and very inaccurate miscategorization.

jasper, why are you hiding in turq and aqua's room?

jasper: have you seen that thing in the study? i've gotta make sure it isn't here to kill me.

jasreen: hello.

aquamarine: who...?

turquoise: what the fuck is wrong with your face?

jasreen: :<

rondie: hey... uh. topic change for family discourse night...

jasper: shut the fuck up, rondie.

jasreen: i'm gonna crawl in this bed... ninight!

you don't... live here.

jasreen: that's where you're incorrect. sapphire invited me into your home and now you need a priest to remove me.

i can't afford a priest. but hey, i can afford a bed.

everyone is so preoccupied with bullshit that lapis suffers. >:(

damn it, you guys. stop trying to ask jasper questions and take care of your kids.

i'm glad that turq and aqua seem to get along. it'd be awkward if they shared a room and didn't.

look, one day i'll build more rooms. today is not that day.